the pub toilet hall of shame & fame

what's guaranteed to cast a shadow over an otherwise perfect night out? for us, there's one thing most likely to do that, especially as its something there really is no need for. it is, of course, a grotty toilet!

we've all experienced them - pub toilets with no lock on the door, with graffiti all over the walls, with no toilet roll on the rack, and a floor so wet with you-don't-want-to-speculate that when you sit down you have to hold on to your skirt to prevent an embarrassing re-entry into the room. it's annoying enough when you go in at ten to eleven to find it in that condition, but finding the toilet in that state when the bar's just opened is downright unforgivable.

so welcome to the latest campaign from birmingham alive! we want you to help us to name & shame the worst pub toilets in birmingham, to try to encourage the managers of them to clean up their acts and not to inconvenience us when we need it the most. we also want to reward good practice, so you can see at a glance the best places to enjoy the whole of your evening, and where you'll hope the band will be better than the bathroom.

simply fill in the details at the bottom of the page:

alexander theatre, station street - dreadful!
female	dirty and very old and uncared for

bar academy, dale end - dreadful!
female	no locks on the doors, no toilet paper, wet swilling around all over the floor - and this was ten minutes after the bar had opened!

Cafe Soya (the big one), Behind the markets - dreadful!
female	four cubicles - 1 out of order, 1 with a toilet roll shoved down it, 1 with shit caked all over the bowl, 1 with pee on the seat. Chose the one with pee on the seat, bravely attempted to wipe the pee off to avoid getting it on trousers/skin etc only to have the seat fly off splashing pee onto trousers and hand. Tried to wash hands only to find that dryer didn't work and the supplied toilet roll disintegrated into white glue that was impossible to get off my hands. Marvellous! Abso-bloody-lutely marvellous. £35 for a small meal for 3 and you'd think they could clean the bloody toilets. Gave up, drove home and had a pee in a clean toilet. On the up side - they did supply antibacterial soap - no wonder!

cindy, wokmania birmingham - dreadful!
female	very big mese.not clean,rubish

clearys, digbeth - dreadful!
female	a health hazard

congress, Broadstreet - dreadful!
female	They reminded me of my old school toilets just full of smoke they were filthy had no soap or toilet roll if i ever go again ill hold it in.

Costermongers, city centre - dreadful!
male	If you're the type averse to getting urine on your shoes, you'll need a grappling hook to swing over these amazonian waterfalls of processed alcohol unscathed. There's no locks, but then there's no doors either. Seats and dignity also absent. The women's fair better but only marginally. If there's no bouncer around and you're male, I'd recommend taking the risk.

Costers, Priery Square - dreadful!
female	The general apperance is enough to put you off but the smell turned my stomach.Apart from the smell of piss the're was a distinct smell of weed. Used needles on the floor behind the sink Dirty sanetry towl stuck to one of the cubical walls. Not one square of loo roll nor any sign of soap. Gross!!!

country girl,, selly oak - dreadful!
female	wet loo role on the floor, grimmy sinks, wet floors, of the several availble cubicles could only find one that was clean, had loo roll & a lock that worked. The fancy automatic air freshener just wasnt strong enough & to top it all the waffting aroma from the gents was awfull!! very poor standard for a well known pub chain

Flapper & Firkin, Birmingham City Centre - dreadful!
male	As soon as you descend the stairs, the stench of amonia hits you straight away. Good live music venue, but the toilets are a total disgrace! How do environmental health let them get away with it?

Flapper and Firkin, birmingham city centre - dreadful!
female	DISGUSTING! blocked, no locks, no paper. Vile.

flapper and firkin, birmingham city centre - dreadful!
female	I've been in a few grotty loo's, but this one takes the biscuit Every aspect of it sucks. Stinky, wet, messy, broken doors and toilets etc What are they thinking!

glamorous, hurst street - dreadful!
male	These toilets have to be the worst around. Well maybe not as bad as The Village. I have been on the gay scene for many many years and as the years go by the gay scene just gets worse most of the people around just care about the £ signs ringing in the till, they will let all kinds of people in their pubs.

Living Room, broad street, birmingham - dreadful!
female	They class themselves as a 'up-market place' for a night out. So you would expect a 5* place. WRONG, the toilets were so bad, you just want to leave. I found toilet paper all over the floor, pee and sick on the floor and the smell, it was that bad there isn't a word to describe it.

Living Room, broad street, birmingham - dreadful!
female	They class themselves as a 'up-market place' for a night out. So you would expect a 5* place. WRONG, the toilets were so bad, you just want to leave. I found toilet paper all over the floor, pee and sick on the floor and the smell, it was that bad there isn't a word to describe it.

missing bar, hurst st - dreadful!
male	my god we heard the place had a big refit but the toilets are still disgusting and smell of piss like the whole pub yuk

Missing Bar, Hurst Street - dreadful!
female	SOAKING WET FLOORS, REALLY SMELLY, BROKEN SEATS NO LOO ROLL, BROKEN DOORS.... DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!

Missing Bar, Hurst Street - dreadful!
male	Smelly, no fastening on doors, filthy seat.urine on all floors.Always staff standing around drinking

Rainbow, Digbeth - dreadful!
male	in two words -"third world" and that's being harsh on most of the third world

Rainbow, Digbeth - dreadful!
male	in two words -"third world" and that's being harsh on most of the third world

Red Lion, Acocks Green - dreadful!
male	It was that bad I left my drink at the bar and went somewhere else. It smelt like a suerage farm.

Rocket club, Broad St - dreadful!
male

rowland hill, kidderminster - dreadful!
female	the floor is wet, the smell hits you as soon as you open the door rubbish all ove the place. would rather wee in the street

Ryemarket Shopping Centre, Stourbridge - dreadful!
male	Filthy.Just spent some time in a city with 14million residents in China.Toilets were poor,but Stourbridge are far worse.

Scruffy Murphys, Birmingham City Center - dreadful!
male	This is awful even by a Rock and Metal pubs standards. I suspect it would be more hygenic crapping or wetting yourself than using the toilet.

Snobs, Birmingham - dreadful!
female	Urgh! Horrible, flooded, no locks on doors and strangest thing is that someone works in there selling perfume and lolly pops! crazy!

Snobs, Paradise Circus - dreadful!
female	Oh My God! I love Snobs but the only thing that puts me off going there is the awful toilets: No loo roll, broken doors, broken toilet seats, floor drenched in what i hope was water!!!! They now have toilet attendants but I am not sure what they actually do apart from charge you £1 for a spray of cheap perfume!!!! Snobs is a number 1 club - just pray you dont need to pee whilst you there!!!

spotted dog, digbeth - dreadful!
male	2 words - fucking awful! walk in to find your an inch deep in piss throughout the entire 'room.' Go to a cubicle find your still no drier and the pans are full to the brim where some vile old man has created the largest shit known to man. Try and keep the vomit down that you'll be wanting to let out, but that would probably make it smell better.

stag & 3 Horshoes, Halesowen - dreadful!
male	had to wade through the sick and pee all over the floor to get to out of order cubicles which had coke all over the seat.

subside, birmingham - dreadful!
female	in total there's only 3 loos - i suppose that's ok seeing as the downstairs 1 is very big but they always smell of sick like any other clubs... but the upstair loos are rant - the light doesn't even work in there so you have to leave the actual door fully open to see where you're going.. so girls - no chance of checkin' your hair in th' mirror. there's always 1 blocked and all the agro of them causes an angry person!

subway, hockley - dreadful!
female	filthy, cramped and and no loo roll

tap & spile, gas street - dreadful!
female	the seat wasn't fitted properly and all the available surfaces were covered in the owners cocaine

tap & spile, gas street - dreadful!
male	the floor can be up to a inch deep in mens urine on a saturday night. whats worse is that their was no paper roll holder, so that was on the floor too!

The Flapper and Firkin , Bham City Centre - dreadful!
male	You would be better hanging your arse over the railings and using the canal than venturing in there !

the hibernian, pershore road - dreadful!
male	foul piss covered shithole with 14 yr old snorting cocaine!

the hibernian, stirchley - dreadful!
male	absolutely disgusting, toilet roll all over the floor, just the one toilet, no lock on the door and the inside of the toilet is absolutely covered in god knows what, you'd probably choke and die if you sat on the seat you inhaled in the place. I left instantly.

the horseshoes , hall green - dreadful!
male	people sniffing coke left right and centre this place should be shut down, every now and again the toilet will just start flooding it self, and theres a smell of horrible fish.

the nightingale, hurst st, birmingham - dreadful!
male	queue for 5 minutes up to your ankles in wee to be scrutinised at the urinal by several men in leather, or go for a cubicle with a peep hole in place of the lock, no seat (although an effort was made with the little bits of wood attached to the metal bowl). utterly utterly gross!! i still feel dirty!!

the Rainbow, Digbeth - dreadful!
male	Poo on walls type effort

the rainbow, digbeth high street - dreadful!
female	worst toilets anywhere. can smell them outside.

The Sanctuary, brimingham - dreadful!
female	eh - i go alot or used to - after nights of seeing blocked shit down the loos and someone actually falling over from the crappy pudles left from whatever sewege - there's one cubicle near the right hand side that actually has flys in.... something alive and that's honest truth. They always smell and i sometimes walk 20 stairs to avoid the 1st floor loos. The 1st floor loos are big but the rankest!

The Shakespeare, Lower Temple Street - dreadful!
female	Disgusting! No seat on one toilet Other toilet covered in shit.

The Yardbird Jazz Club, Birmingham - dreadful!
male	Water everywhere, taps broken, hand dryer broken always smells and flys all year round!

White Horse, York Street - dreadful!
male	Worst toilets in Harborne, a total health hazard! One cubicle, always out of order and locked, altough the drug dealers 'kindly' break it open on a regular basis. The only soap dispenser broken for the last 3 months and the constant buzz of flies, in winter! Come on Colin, you and Emma obviously don't care any more - time to retire and let someone interested have a go.

Behan's, Hall Green - poor
female	Always smell awful-hardly ever any toiley paper.

bennetts wine bar bennetts hill, birmingham - poor
male	no soap some of the taps are very hard to turn no loo paper these toilets had four stars a few years ago from the british toilet standards have dropped the land lady has a real attuide when i asked for toilet paper said expecting loo paper next week

bennetts wine bar bennetts hill, birmingham - poor
male	no soap some of the taps are very hard to turn no loo paper these toilets had four stars a few years ago from the british toilet standards have dropped the land lady has a real attuide when i asked for toilet paper said expecting loo paper next week

BUS STATION, BEARWOOD TOLIETS - poor
female	The toilets in Bearwood bus station are scarey!!! all alamiium, cold gloomy, smell also, you just dont feel safe at all, the mens were closed ages ago, i belive because of weid-ooos , But untill thay make them better people will still! use the park, comprenda?

DV8, Hurst Street - poor
male	Smells a bit. Too busy as well. What do all those men hang around the toilets for anyway?

Glamourous, Birmingham - poor
male	These toilets have gradually got worse. They always stink and jobs are just being patched up in there. They need ripping out!!!!!

Green Room, Hurst Street - poor
female	Clean but cramped. Door opens straight into it which I gather is not strictly legal.

Green Room, Hurst Street - poor
male	Clean but cramped. Door opens straight into it which I gather is not strictly legal.

gunmaker's arms, bath street - poor
male	would have been ok, if it wasn't for there being no working hand dryer

Knights Quest, Rowley Regis - poor
male	MENS TOILETS IS LIKE A SWIMMING POOL ALWAYS SOAKING IN THERE ON THE FLOOR , I HAVE ALWAYS GOT WET TROUSERS AROUND THE SHOE AREA WHEN I LEAVE THERE . THERE IS ALWAYS URINE IN THE BIN IN THE CUBICLE & NO TOILET SEAT ...

Lady Westminster, Acocks Green - poor
female	Really really bad. The decor is atrocious and you have to ask for toilet roll as never enough in there. Loads of fagburns on top of toilets - nice cheap white plastic

Liberty's, Hagley Road - poor
female	Sick all over the floor. Toilet rolls everywhere and sticks to your shoes! No toilet seats. Doors don't lock.Unbelievable stink which goes into the corridor. Would rather pee in the street!!!!!

Parklands Court, 1st Floor - poor
male	Smell is generally okay, except for when the "cleaner" enters the room.

prince of wales, moseley - poor
female	the new owners promised not to change the place - but they really need to sort out the loos

prince of wales, moseley - poor
female	For quite a busy pub this venue has the smallest toilets ever, with just 2 cubicles with holes in the wall filled with a bit of tissue and 1 tiny sink can you imagine the queing! I like this pub, PLEASE do something about the loos.

Selly Park Tavern, Selly Park - poor
female	OK, but no soap in any dispenser.

Shakespear, opposite tesco, city centre - poor
female	Small & smelly. Toilet seats are broken. You get your fat caught between the rim & toilet. Bring your own toilet paper, soap & handtowel. The seating area outside on the smelly drain smells better than the toilet. Be sure to grab your complimentary gasmasks before you go in!

The Fighting Cocks, Moseley - poor
female	Despite the fact that this has recently had lots of money spent on doing up the place and encouraging a larger crowd the toilets are dismal. There are two toilets for a very busy pub. The door opens straight into the sink area which is so poorly lit there isn't any point in having a mirror. There is no room to wait for the next available toilet - which could be a while as there is only two. Drinks prices have gone up, they serve food, they've spent loads on a smoking area outside but they can't get the toilets right.

the Knights Quest , Blackheath - poor
female	Mens toilets are disgusting, floor is like a mini pool.................. every time in the space of 12 wks !!!!! And it smells very bad of urine

The Prince of Wales, Moseley - poor
female	Ew. Scary picture of a little girl on the wall. Dim lighting, crammed, no loo roll. Ew

The shakespeare, Lower temple street - poor
female	Too tiny & cramped, & the seats were broken

yates' wine lodge, corporation street - poor
male	poor standard of decoration in cubicles, no effective lock on the door.

Anchor, Digbeth - ok
male	OK - but could be better, there are a lot worse in Digbeth, but beer is excellent

chapter 11 / the ben johnson / king edward inn, lancaster circus - ok
male	nothing special - not particularly bad but not particularly good either.

Hotel du Vin, Edmund Street - ok
female	bright, no graffiti, nice soap, hand towels, and above all clean, clean, clean!

sheeley farm pub, monkspath,shirley - ok
female

The Brass House, Broad Street - ok
male	Clean and tidy but a bit small.

the drawbridge, shirley, canalside - ok
male	nothing really to say about it, just that it was ok.

The Fieldhouse, Monkspath - ok
female	toilets seem clean enough but always an underlying stench of sewerage! if anyone has ever travelled on a ferry and used the loos well its that kind of smell!! also not always soap in the dispensers

the gas club, birmingham - ok
female

Walkabout Australian Bar, Broad Street - ok
male	automatic flushing loos and sink taps, good for hygeine! overall pretty clean/bright etc, but shame they have them ugly vile metal bowl loos with bits of wood on them (which incidently need a bit of a clean!)

actress and bishop, ludgate hill - good
male	nice and clean no smells

Dovecote , Birmingham.sheldon - good
female	Busy little pub . Toilets are okay . Just make them bigger for gods sake . One toilet for two room operation . Get real

Edwards No.8, City Centre - good
male	As far as club toilets go and although the toilets resembling metal buckets conditions are generallty are acceptable. And the graffiti on the condom machine 'insert baby for refund' I still find humerous even after 10 years.

Glamorous showbar , hurst st - good
female	allways clean, theres allways soap to wash and a good hand dryer that has worked every time ive been in there!. . .thats alot !

Moseley Arms, Ravenhurst Street, Digbeth - good
male	Good now and a refurb imminent

spotted dog, bordesley street digbeth - good
male	very clean

strada, the mailbox - good
male	not exactly spacious, but clean & well decorated enough - & it has those posh designer bathroom sinks rather than normal ones!

symphony hall / icc, broad street - good
male	generally a good standard of cleanliness, reasonably nicely decorated.

The Brass House, Broad Street - good
female	Carpet on the floor, Pictures on the wall, kept very clean and tidy.

The Figure of Eight, Broad Street - good
male	Nice to have something to read whilst you're having a wee!

the flapper, birmingham - good
female	new owners have cleaned both male and female toilets they smell of air freshner now

the merrymaid , moslry rd in birmingham - good
female	well looked after very clean nice pub

the merrymaid , moslry rd in birmingham - good
female	well looked after very clean nice pub

The Old Joint Stock Theatre, Temple Row, Birmingham - good
male	Toilets are not as updated as the theatre but still acceptable.

The Square Peg, Corporation Street - good
male	At last.... somewhere that gives you enough space to urinate without getting overly personal with your neighbour!

The Victoria, Station Street, Birmingham - good
female	Clean and spacious cubilcles (2 in downstairs toilets but rarely a queue for them). Always has toilet roll. Mirror and working sinks with paper towels to dry hands with. Not the most lavish loos in the world but certainly some the cleanest I have found in Birmingham.

Victoria Pub, Station Street - good
female	Always smell nice, always clean - they seem to check them often, nice smelling squirty soap and never known them to run out of loo roll

Adam and Eve, Digbeth - excellent!
female	Considering how packed it was the friendly staff kept an eye on the loo's topping up the toilet rolls and soap! I was impressed...great bands too!!!!!!

Briar Rose, Bennett's Hill - excellent!
male	Nicer than my toilet at home! Definately worth passing a motion!

Equator Bar, Birmingham - excellent!
female	The toilets are always well stocked and clean, the staff are fantastic x

flapper and firkin, Birmingham centre, well by the nia - excellent!
male	perfect for snorting cocaine out of

ipanema, brindley place - excellent!
male	very clean

ipanema, brindley place - excellent!
female	fab

Madhouse, Hampton St, Brum - excellent!
female	Cleanest loos in a music venue ever!

missing, hurst street birmingham - excellent!
female	womens toilets are lovely and clean in this venue , and they are better when the sexy female door security lady comes in to check them and make sure there is no scum in there. think her name is carla cooooorrrrr shes fit :) all in all a great atmophere in the venue and good toliets go and check them and her out if you dont believe me xx

Missing Bar, Birmingham - excellent!
male	These toilets have just undergone a major refurbishment,with the gents being knocked through to the ladies to make a larger gents and two sets of ladies upstairs.This is the best refurb these toilets have ever had.

missing bar , hurst st - excellent!
female	These toilets have had a major change and there fantastic theres space and the staff are so lovely and all ways making checks love it!

missing bar, hurst street - excellent!
male	all the reviews about the toilets are due to the last people who ran the pub, ( into the ground)... it has been closed for 5 weeks.everything has been changed. getting back to the toilets, All female toilet section upstairs and all male downstairs the toilets are the cleanest and will stay that way....

Pizza Express, Bullring - excellent!
female	Lots of toilets and very clean. Big mirrors

Primitivo Bar&Eatery, Barwick Street City Centre - excellent!
male	Nice and Clean !! Smells good too?

Rocket Club, Broad Street - excellent!
male	You could eat your dinner in here. So nice that I stayed in for 10 mins just enjoying the space.

Simpsons, Edgbaston - excellent!
male	If michelin stars could be awarded for toilets as well as food, this place would have two stars instead of one!

swan centre, kidderminster - excellent!
female	lovely clean and bright

the country girl, selly oak - excellent!
female	it's even got a nice clean carpet on the floor!

The Farm. (formerly Shelley Farm), Monkspath - excellent!
female	Excellent at the mo. but only been open 3 days! Toilets smell better than the bar area which strangely enough smells like a not too well kept toilet!

The Farm. (formerly Shelley Farm), Monkspath - excellent!
female	Excellent at the mo. but only been open 3 days! Toilets smell better than the bar area which strangely enough smells like a not too well kept toilet!

The greenroom cafe bar, Hurst st - excellent!
male

The Living Room, Broad Street - excellent!
female	The best bar and set of toilets along the drunken mile- far too classy for the location!

The Peacock, Icknield Street, Wast Hills - excellent!
female	These toilets are fit for a queen. Fresh lillies in vases give off a lovely aroma, Carpetes with a cushioned rocking chair in the corner. Always clean & tidy best loo so far!!!

The Pink Planet, hurst street birmingham - excellent!
female	what lovely toilets, they are clean and smell nice and the decore is good too.all in all this is a very friendly new bar in birmingham

the solomon cutler (lloyds number 1), broad street - excellent!
female	unbelievably clean and well decorated - even swisher than the main bar!

The Wellington, Bennett's Hill, Birmingham - excellent!
female	Clean, fresh, bright, and even has flowers! Would not be out of place in Harrods.

Upstairs @ The Cross, Moseley - excellent!
male	No idea about the pub below, but the venue upstairs is frighteningly clean.

wokmania, arcadian - excellent!
female	SMELL FRESH AND EVEN HAVE SIGNS ASKING YOU TO INFORM IF ANYTHINGS WRONG. BRILLIANT RESTAURANT TOO, THE METRO OBVOIUSLY WERE DRUNK.

wokmania, hurst st - excellent!
female	wow, clean toilets? smelling fresh? at a buffet, i was shocked, could eat your dinner off it, obviously a plate would be a better idea!!!

wokmania, Hurst Street - excellent!
male	Spacious, modern and clean!

woodman, halesowen - excellent!
male

pub / venue name:
location:
male / female:	male \| female
condition:	dreadful - too bad even for the animals poor ok, i suppose good excellent - you could eat your dinner in there
general description of it: